Kamis, 28 Juli 2011

I Miss Him

A while ago, I went out with this guy. I’ve only gone out with one person since. I didn’t realize that I had lost something amazing until it was too late. We went out for four months, and although we didn’t do much –not really anything at all- we both really liked and cared for each other. I will always remember the time we went on a night-hike on an overnight trip with our school. We lied down on the ground, holding hands, and looked up at the most beautiful starry sky I had ever seen in my life. I was falling for him harder than I ever thought possible.

We rarely fought, and when we did it was because of a miss-communication between my friend, him, and me. She would always tell him things that I didn’t want her to. She spread rumours about us, and how I didn’t like him anymore (which wasn’t true at all). Well we got to a point in our relationship, where it wasn’t going anywhere. We were either simply saying hi in the hallway, or wondering whether the things my friend told us were true or not. So one day, I decided it was time for this to end.

After we broke up, I was still thinking about him, and dreaming about him. I had another boyfriend, but it wasn’t the same. After school, me and my ex would walk home together after track practice, and although I knew it wasn’t fair to my new boyfriend, it was either that or alone. Well he tried to make me jealous –putting his arm around my friend, then smiling at me- of course I knew that he was just joking around. He would try to convince me that me and my boyfriend were a horrible couple. And every time after jokingly dissing me, he would say, “I hope you know that I don’t mean the rude things I say to you.” Always caring about me. Well I broke up with my boyfriend because I knew it wasn’t fair to him that I still had feelings for my ex. And I didn’t get back together with me ex afterwards, because I had too much respect than to dump one guy for another.

I realized later that my friend went out with him –although it was only once, and he didn’t like her- she broke us up because she liked him. I lost not only a best friend, but an amazing boyfriend who –although I couldn’t admit it- I loved. I kept thinking about him, all the time. Well that summer, he changed a lot. He wasn’t as outgoing as he was before. He was more reserved than I knew him to be, but I still had feelings for him. He made a new group of friends and changed his outlook on many things –becoming much more studious and he hasn’t liked another girl since.

Although it has been a very long time since we were together, I still really like him. And every once in a while I see the old him, the one I went out with. Although he has almost two different personalities, I love him. We talk occasionally, and believe it or not- we haven’t argued yet. I started writing letters to him, ones in which I revealed everything, my feelings towards him, and that I miss him. Of course I’ve never had the courage to send them. But I still keep them, because they remind me that love does exist. Now, we’re going different ways, but I will always remember him, because he was my first love. I just wish that he knew it.

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